“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”
Life can be hard sometimes. Lately, I’ve found myself thinking about life, faith, and the things we experience along the way. There are days when trusting God comes easily, and then there are days when trusting Him is a choice we have to make over and over again. On those hard days, I remind myself of what I know. I know God is real. I know He is with me. I know He is faithful.
Not simply because someone told me, but because I have experienced His goodness for myself. I have felt His presence. I have seen His hand moving in my life. I have witnessed moments when He rescued me, protected me, and made a way when I couldn’t see one.
When life becomes difficult, I go back to those moments. I remind myself of the God who has never left me. But lately, I’ve also been thinking about the prayers that didn’t turn out the way I wanted.
One of those prayers was for my cousin, Felicia.
I wanted her to live. I wanted more time. More conversations. More laughter. More memories. I wanted the outcome to be different. But it wasn’t. And that’s a difficult truth to sit with.
Sometimes we pray, believe, and trust God with everything in us, and still experience an outcome that breaks our hearts. Yet even in that heartbreak, I know God is still with us.
I think about Felicia and the foundation of faith we shared. We were just little girls when we gave our lives to Christ. We grew up knowing Jesus, believing His Word, and understanding that this earthly life was never meant to be our final home. That foundation has carried me through some of the hardest moments of my life.
Although I miss her terribly, I find comfort in the promise of eternal life.
Jesus said in John 11:25: “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.” What a promise.
Death may have separated us here on earth, but because of Jesus, I believe it does not have the final word.
Still, losing someone you love changes the way you look at life. It reminds you how precious time really is. It makes you think about the people you love, the memories you have made, and the moments you still hope to experience.
And sometimes, if I’m being truthful, it makes you afraid. Afraid of losing someone else. Afraid of what tomorrow might bring. Afraid of the things you cannot control.
But I don’t want fear to determine how I live.
I want to live a long, meaningful, purpose-filled life. I want to watch my children grow up. I want to meet my grandchildren. I want to experience the blessings God still has waiting for me.
I want to accomplish everything He has placed in my heart to do. I want to write. I want to encourage others. I want to love my family well. I want to fulfill the purpose He created me for.
And I will not let fear steal the joy that God has given me.
Because here’s what I’m learning:
I can trust God and still have questions. I can believe His promises and still grieve. I can be thankful for life and still be afraid of loss.
Faith doesn’t mean we never experience fear.
Faith means that when fear comes, we remember who is holding us. That’s why Isaiah 41:10 has always been my favorite scripture.
God doesn’t simply tell us not to fear.
He tells us why. “For I am with thee.”
Those five words mean so much to me.
He doesn’t promise that everyone we love will live as long as we want them to. He doesn’t promise that every prayer will be answered the way we imagined. He doesn’t promise a life without heartbreak, disappointment, or uncertainty. But He promises His presence.
He promises strength. Which I’ve seen in my Aunt, Felicia’s mom, as she comforted me during her daughter’s death. He promises help. Something I’ve seen in my mom as she’s been there for her sister. And He promises to uphold us. Something that I know He is continually doing for us this year through the pain.
I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I don’t know how many years God has planned for me or what experiences are still ahead.
But I do know this: The same God who was with me as a little girl is with me today. The same God who carried me through yesterday will be with me tomorrow. And the same God who has held me through the loss of Felicia will continue to hold me as I learn how to live without her here.
So today, I choose life over fear. I choose faith over uncertainty. I choose to be thankful for the memories behind me while remaining hopeful about the moments ahead.
I will not allow the fear of losing people to keep me from loving them. And I will not allow the fear of the unknown to overshadow what I know about God.
He has been faithful before. He is faithful now. And He will be faithful in whatever comes next.
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